Life goes on...

There have been a few changes as of late.  Ken had his spinal chemo last week, and was violently ill a few days after coming home.  To be expected, I guess, but still not much fun.

The worse, most shocking part for me, was the fact that with this chemo, his eyebrows fell out.  I knew it was bound to happen, but I still wasn't prepared for the shock of it.  It just makes him look that much sicker.  I mean, I know he's sick, but it makes it all that more apparent.

The good news is that his CT scan came back basically clear.  He'll have one done every 6 months for the next few years, just to be on the safe side.

He's scheduled to go back to Vancouver once more this month for treatment, then again in January.  I'm hoping he's well enough; I just want to get this over and done with.  Unfortunately, he's currently waiting to see a doctor as he's picked up a respiratory virus and is coughing up awful stuff - he'll pull through this, he's already proven how strong he really is.

HE'S HOME!!!

This is late, and for this I appologise.  Ken was flown home by Hope Air on Monday.

I am so happy to have him home.

He's not completely done - he still has three chemo injections to be given into his spine (a few weeks apart), but it's so wonderful that he's here.

He made it in time for our youngest son's first birthday.  And that meant the world to both of us.

Live is so, so good right now.  We're just waiting for the results from his CTscan to confirm that the Cancer is gone.

I know it is.

Happy Birthday, Honey

Today is Ken's birthday.  Another older, wiser and stronger.

He had his 'third from the end' spinal chemo shot today and was kicked back out to outpatient care.  With any luck, he'll get one more at the end of this week, and his last one at the beginning of next week.

Here's to hoping.

Today he told me that his hair is starting to come back in - white.  As if that makes any difference to me... he can have it blue or purple or red, I just want him back home.

My husband is amazing.  And strong.  I am the luckiest woman in the world to have him.

Not too much longer.  Then we just have to play the waiting game to get the 'all clear'... make sure that the Cancer is completely gone.

I'm so emotional; excited that the end is within sight, scared that the outcome won't be perfect, relieved to know my soulmate is coming back to me.

Life is hard, but it is good.

The light at the end of the tunnel...

It's so close I can almost see it.

Almost taste it.

Ken finished his consolidation chemo today.  He has three more shots of chemo into his spine, which need to be spaced several days (to possibly a week) apart.

He is in rough shape.  Consolidation chemo is the highest, strongest dose that they give.  It's the 'last hurrah', designed to make sure not one. little. cancerous. cell. is left behind.

Here's to hoping.

I have a confession to make.  And it makes me feel like an absolute ass, because Ken is all alone, and fighting this disease so hard.

I'm lonely.  And overwhelmed.  And depressed.

I've reached my limit, reduced to tears several times over the past week.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.

The babies are sick.  Again.

I love being a Mom.  But I HATE being a single Mom.  Hate it.

I feel like a failure because I'm having such a difficult time.  I should be stronger than this.  After all, Ken is the one who is struggling, suffering through brutal treatments that cause him so much pain and make him so sick.  He hasn't seen his family in over 2 months.

And here I am feeling sorry for myself.

I just want my husband home.  But I want him home cured.

Round 4 Commences!

I was so happy to get this news today, that I teared up and darn near started crying.  Ken's Oncologist told him three more weeks, give or take.

Please, please let it be soon.

Ken was admitted back into the hospital today, to begin round 4.  As usual, it included a lumbar injection (he has a number of these left to go still).  And as usual, a wicked headache followed.

But still, we are both excited.  With any luck, he'll be home for our youngest's first birthday (though he misses his own birthday, as well as his oldest son's).

I'm hoping these days pass quickly, and that treatment continues to go smoothly.

I hate to say I'm counting the days...

But I am.

I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, but I know there's the chance that treatment will continually get delayed or dragged out, for one reason or another.

We had a pretty massive earthquake last night - I felt it here.  It measured at 7.7 on the Richter scale at its origin.  But Ken, being almost 700km South, didn't.  And we had our first real snow of the Winter, but not down on the coast where Ken is.

And so I keep on counting the days.

Photos help; knowing that I can share pictures of the kids make me feel good.  And the boys do like talking to Ken over the computer.  Even if they are very young, there's no way they've even remotely forgotten who their Daddy is.

Round 3 - Finito!

Round 3 of chemo is done!  Woo hoo!

Ken's Oncologist says that he'll be able to come home in 3 - 4 weeks... and I can't wait!  Just one more round to go!

There is still lots of stresses for the time being, but at least Ken is doing well, and flying through his treatment.  I can't ask for much more than that.

Less than a month until my amazing husband is home...